Would you kill yourself because you lost someone

Dandelion2000

on May 13th, 2016 at 10:39 pm
Hi, the point is that I lost my grandpa about two weeks ago. He had cancer and had been in the hospital for 2 months. He was getting worse and worse, he was no longer himself. I last saw him when he was just 2 weeks in the hospital, after that I shouldn't see him anymore, according to my mother's opinion. I found out on a Tuesday that he was going to die and before that he was supposed to come to the palliative care unit as soon as a room was available. For weeks I had only heard what my mother had told me. I couldn't talk to my father about it, he is blocking. From that day on I had insomnia and couldn't think of anything else. On Thursday I slept unusually well and slept through the night, but I wasn't surprised. I should find out why the next day.
I went to school as normal and had full hours, except for one hour lost. During this lesson I saw my BFF in the school hallway and we chatted as usual. I checked my cell phone because I had written to my mother asking if she would pick me up after school, I got an answer, the answer.
She sent me a picture of a cross with a picture of my grandfather inside. She also wrote no, I have to help grandma with a sad smile. I knew immediately what was going on. I screamed out loud and cried, my BFF was there for me. When I got home I went shopping straight away to buy funeral supplies for the funeral in a week's time. I could not anymore.
To this day I can't forgive myself that he never said how much I love him and couldn't say goodbye to him. I cry a lot and can no longer get on with my life. A school social worker talked to me but she doesn't understand me, she just says that I have gained weight since I died and she is afraid that I will already cut myself and want to kill myself. But I'm not doing great, but that's not why I cut myself. How can I conclude with it? How do I get my life back on track ???

best regards
Dandelion2000
Hope dies last
...
but she dies !!!

Veronica

on May 16, 2016 at 11:14 am
Dear Dandelion 2000,

Welcome to Youngwings and thank you for opening your new forum topic!

I'm Veronika, one of the advisors here, and I answer you today as part of my holiday service.
Here at Youngwings, like today, there are no fixed consultations on weekends and public holidays.
In the next few days, however, a permanent advisor will contact you as soon as possible and be there for you on this topic.

Greetings and until then, thank you very much for your patience!

Veronica
Veronica
Advisor
YoungWings

Veronica

on May 17th, 2016 at 10:35 pm
Dear Dandelion 2000,

thank you again for your patience! I have already written to you here as part of my holiday service and I am happy to be able to accompany you as a permanent contact person.

Since you are new here, as I have seen, I would first like to give you an overview of our offers here on Youngwings. In addition to the forum in which you can exchange ideas with other teenagers and young adults, we also have weekly live chat and individual advice. The chat usually takes place in the evening and you can always see the next appointment on our homepage. If you would like to write directly to a consultant in a protected environment, you also have the option of requesting individual advice.
You can have a look around here if you like. If you have any questions or questions about this or in general, please contact me.

In your message you write that you lost your grandfather about 2 weeks ago and about how you are doing with it at the moment. I also read from your message that you seem to be particularly preoccupied at the moment, that you could no longer say goodbye to him personally and how you can cope with your situation now and in the future. Have I understood all of this correctly so far?
Finally, you write about your school social worker and her fears that you might cut yourself or want to kill yourself. As far as I have understood you, you feel misunderstood by her and these fears do not apply. You make it clear that while you are not doing well, you would not go that far. Has that really hit me? And do you have any idea how she could have come to these assumptions?

Your message closes with the question of how to close it and how to get your life back on track. Would that be something you would like to exchange ideas about here in the forum? And is there anything that you would like from me as a consultant or that is particularly important to you?

You are also welcome to think about all my questions in peace and quiet, if you like and, as I said, contact me at any time if you have any other questions or concerns.

I am looking forward to your answer!

Best regards,
Veronica
Veronica
Advisor
YoungWings

dandelion

on May 18th, 2016 at 9.45pm
Hello dandelion,
It was the same for me with my grandpa. He too had been sick for a long time and one day I found out that he was in the hospital. Then I wished I could tell him that he was the best grandpa in the world, but the hospital wasn't nearby and my parents didn't have time to drive me. When I heard of his death, I was amazed at first. My reaction to this, right after I tried to comfort my mother, was that I wrote a poem for my grandma as a support, I think that was very good for me, also because it was then on this commemorative card. which were always distributed at funerals. Later, when we had taken care of his leftover belongings, I was allowed to choose an item that particularly reminded me of him. It is now in my room.
As a tip for the future, I would like to give you:
1. Find something that will always remind you of him.
2. Your grandpa is no longer alive, but he must have known how much you loved him. Instead, you'd better take care of those who are still alive and tell them what you always wanted to tell them so that you don't have to torment yourself when it's too late. (E.g. your grandma)
3. Remember all the beautiful things that you have been able to experience together, even if they are so small.

It was four years ago for me and this year I would like to have a glider flight for my birthday, because I know that my grandpa used to sail passionately.
It takes time, but at some point life will pick up again.

Best regards,
dandelion

PS: I hope I could help you a little bit
The dead are only dead when no one thinks of them anymore.

Dandelion2000

on May 20th, 2016 at 7:29 pm
Hi, sorry that I will only get back to you now. There was a lot going on at school at the moment and a lot of papers were being written. Thanks to Löwenzahn, I took your tips to heart. I also implemented some of them or had already implemented them. As a souvenir I have a brooch that he gave me for my last birthday. And I remember especially at night, when I'm alone there.
Dear Veronika,
yes you understood everything correctly. My BFF started scratching herself when her grandparents died. Strangely, it was almost at the same time as my grandpa passed away. I supported her and helped her. Maybe that made her think that I would cut myself too. She always looks at me strangely at school now, as if I'm about to break down. That annoys me a lot.

I have still one question:
Is the pain and fear getting less? Or will he stay that way forever ???

best regards
Dandelion 2000
Hope dies last
...
but she dies !!!

dandelion

on May 20th, 2016 at 11:14 pm
Hello dandelion,
I don't know about others, but since my grandfather's death four years ago the pain has decreased, but has remained. The fear has even increased for me because in the time from then to now, many have died. So I can only speak from my own experience. The pain will probably always stay there as long as you don't forget your grandpa, which I don't believe, because in my opinion the pain represents how much you want your grandpa back, or how much you miss him. I think this pain is very natural and without it it would be kind of weird.
That was my point of view, I don't know how others are doing, maybe you will listen to another experience. I hope I haven't discouraged you too much, but I'm sure you will cope with the pain and fear a little better over time, as it has not been very long since you lost your grandpa as a person.
Lg,
dandelion
The dead are only dead when no one thinks of them anymore.

Veronica

on May 23, 2016 at 1:24 pm
Dear Dandelion 2000,

Thank you for your feedback to me!

It's okay if you can't write, or if it doesn't work that well for you. It is very important to me that I can accompany you as it feels right for you.

In your message to me, you explain why you think your school social worker suspects you might cut yourself. I also read that you think it's funny the way she looks at you in school and that it annoys you a lot. Correct? Many thanks for the answer. This helps me to get a better picture of your situation and to be able to accompany you here as you wish. So if this topic should be something that you would like to write about here, please let me know!

As I have read, you and Löwenzahn have already exchanged a little bit about your question of how you can lock yourself up in a situation like the one you are currently experiencing and get your own life back on track. Correct? And now you are asking in your latest message whether the pain and fear will be less or whether it will stay that way forever, if I have taken it that aptly. Löwenzahn has already written you something about this. Thank you, dandelion, for your messages!

Do I understand your current concern correctly, that you, Pusteblume2000, would like to discuss these questions with others here in your topic at the moment? And is there anything else you would like from me as a consultant?

Best regards,
Veronica
Veronica
Advisor
YoungWings

Dandelion2000

on May 27, 2016 at 2:37 pm
Hi, thanks for your answers.
Veronika you have an explanation why she looks at me like that, it has gotten worse lately and it really sucks.
Löwenzahn thank you for your detailed answer, it is good to talk to people about it who have experienced it themselves, my friends want to help me but do not understand it because they have not yet experienced it, at least not all of them.
Hope dies last
...
but she dies !!!

Veronica

on 05/30/2016 at 8:45 p.m.
Dear Dandelion 2000,

Thank you for your answer!

You asked me for an explanation of the looks your teacher gave you, which you've been getting increasingly noticed and annoyed lately, right?

You seem to be bothering you a lot at the moment and in my opinion there can be many explanations for it. One possibility that you have already written yourself would be that she might be worried about you right now. Possibly also because, as you write, your girlfriend lost someone close to you at about the same time as you and is now apparently scratching herself. Do I really remember your guesses?

I read your message in such a way that it obviously does you good to write with others who have experienced something similar and can understand you and your situation. Is that correct?

So what do you think of the suggestion that we should first consider how you could find out why your school social worker is looking at you that way? Maybe there is someone who has already experienced something similar and would like to report on their experiences here. Would it be something you could just imagine writing about it here with others?

Best regards,
Veronica
Veronica
Advisor
YoungWings

Dandelion2000

on 05/30/2016 at 10:14 p.m.
dear Veronika, yes you understood everything correctly. And thank you for your support.
L.G.
Dandelion 2000
Hope dies last
...
but she dies !!!
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