How did you lose your children's trust?

Everyday family life in the corona crisis

The sentence: "It always takes two to argue" also applies to conflicts in the parent-child relationship. Parents influence the frequency and course of conflicts through their behavior. If you take your own situation and that of the child seriously, strive to organize everyday life in a realistic manner and thus avoid excessive demands and stress, unnecessary conflicts can be prevented. Your own attitude also plays a major role. If parents see their child / children as independent people who contribute their own design ideas and want to be taken seriously, it will be easier for them to find compromises. The attitude of parents that only they have to determine and that the children only have to follow makes it difficult to develop the ability to compromise. If everything in a family revolved around the children, i.e. if the parents were constantly following the wishes and ideas of the children, there would also be a kind of dictatorship by the children and a lack of conflict resolution on both sides.
Family life can only be satisfactory if there is conflict and if parents and children develop the ability to compromise. The ability to deal with conflict only develops in children and mothers and fathers can support them in this. Conflicts are not only exhausting and annoying, they are also a great opportunity for development. Therefore, I would like to briefly address the development phases from toddler to puberty.

Conflicts with Young Children

Small children discover their willpower and want to use it. However, they still lack the experience of what is really possible, what is dangerous and what is simply not possible. Parents of young children have a lot to do and stress often arises. Small arguments arise several times a day, as the child's will cannot be reconciled with the needs or the ideas of the parents. Such situations are quite normal and children of this age have only a very limited ability to resolve conflicts. They usually fight loudly when something “goes against the grain”. At this age, children react in conflict situations by fleeing - they try to withdraw or become stubborn, or by fighting by screaming and raving. In the third and fourth year of life, they increasingly learn to give in, to subordinate themselves. They do this on the basis of trust that they have built with their parents. According to the motto: “Mom and Dad love me and take care of me. Presumably it makes sense that I am not / may not get something now. So I trust them and I am cooperative. "

What helps

  • is stress prevention. Think about what is really important and what needs to be done, what limits are necessary and how you can give everyday life a certain rhythm. Constant processes and boundaries give small children security and help them to learn. This makes conflicts less frequent.