Can I trust my ex best friend

So your best friendships broke

The best friend has a special place in someone's life. This place is difficult to define, but it is one that family and long-term partnerships are unable to fill. Best friends can also tell each other anything and nothing. You can call each other without needing anything. Criticism from her mouth is more carefree than from parents and more uncompromising than from partners. Best friends trust, forgive, and see when you feel bad even though you are smiling. They give you complete freedom to be yourself. They know everything about you and still love you.

These special relationships do not always last either. Like relationships, friendships need to be nurtured and cherished. The closer you get to someone, the easier it is to hurt them. A best friendship, despite its special position, is not a free ticket that allows complete freedom from fools. Breaking this friendship can therefore sometimes be more painful than lovesickness after a failed partnership.

On International Friendship Day, in memory of your past friendships, we wanted to know anonymously what it was like for you to lose best friends.

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Here are your answers:

love

“After I came out, one of my closest friends said that she didn't want to risk me falling in love with her and broke off contact. She wasn't my type at all. I miss her anyway. "

“Our friendship broke because of his girlfriend. She took him over and he still can't get away from her to this day. I often mourn the friendship, but tend to pity him. In the meantime he has lost his whole family and hardly any friends except her. He also lives with his girlfriend with his parents in a two-room apartment instead of in his parents' big house. "

“When I was 18, I finally had my first boyfriend and for two years I put him above everything else - including my best friend at the time. We two girls moved into a shared flat together for our studies and thought we were going to have the best time of our lives. The reality, however, was that I skyped with my boyfriend every evening and drove to him on the weekend. In retrospect, I regret this blind infatuation that cost me my best friend from school, so I try not to neglect my friends in my current relationship. "

Ghosting

“We were best friends for over twenty years. After a few years up and down, at some point I realized that she was someone who completely immersed himself in relationships and only comes in when she has a problem. In the end, the decisive factor was that I got a text message from her out of nowhere in which she asked me if I would help her move. That's how I found out that she was moving in with her boyfriend. For me, that was the point where I freaked out. I've never contacted her since then.

I feel like shit about losing her. Worse than any breakup from any ex-boyfriend ever. We've been unlucky for so long and I feel incomplete without her. But I can't always just be the consolation when she's feeling bad. Friendship is not a one-way street and I also have to pay attention to my emotional stability. Still, I miss her almost every day. "

“The friendship with my best friend actually broke through ghosting. But this term didn't exist 18 years ago. We had known each other since kindergarten and had been very close friends since elementary school. When we were teenagers we were best friends, went through thick and thin, shared everything, laughed, cried, made nonsense, experienced first love. Then after the tenth grade I started vocational training, she started her high school diploma. From one day to the next she stopped calling. She came back to borrow a sleeping bag.

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A party was coming up with her new friends. Not a word whether I would like to come too. I didn't hear from her after that. When I called, she wasn't there. I should suddenly make an appointment to call. Meetings no longer took place. She disappeared from my life without comment. I am now 35 years old and have never heard from her since. That bothered me for years. There was never a fight, nothing. I later realized that for her I just didn't fit into her world anymore. Her parents always had a high level of class. I was a simple working-class child, graduated from secondary school, then commercial training. On the threshold of adulthood, she simply disposed of me. I would never have thought that of her. The fact that she didn't even have the courage and decency to at least briefly terminate the friendship or what I know hurts to this day. "

“A very good friend of mine rarely contacted me during her studies - unless she was feeling bad, then I had to be on Skype immediately. I was extremely annoyed that I had to keep chasing her with messages; I felt like her emotional dump where she could let everything out, but to which she didn't have to give anything back. At some point I decided not to write 'Hey, how are you?' Every three days. I just wanted to know how long it would be before she asked how I was doing. That was three years ago, we haven't had any contact since then. And although I still feel bad about it and I realize that she thinks I had ghosted her back then (for a lack of reaction like ghosting it would have needed some action on your part), it showed me at the time that you obviously nothing was in that friendship. I miss her a lot, and it hurts to see her with other friends of mine who, while all staying out of the conflict, never felt it necessary to point out to them that they were only once about themselves from could have written. I don't think I'll ever get over it completely, but at the same time I'm too proud to bury it. "

Divergent ways

“After graduating from high school, it became more and more difficult to keep in touch. In the end, we were only connected by the common way to school. "

“We got to know each other in a theater production, when he was almost 17 and I was 15. We hit it off right away, as we both tried to find our way around our rather small, conservative city as gay teenagers with a Turkish migration background. We went through thick and thin together, comforted each other about problems with family and love, but also had a lot of fun at parties and traveling. My best friend kept talking about moving away, preferably to Berlin, while that would have been fantastic for me at the time, but just as unrealizable. I would like to be gone, but God knows I had other problems that I had to solve beforehand. Then at some point the moment came for me when I was determined to finally move away and leave my old life behind, and within a short time I organized everything I needed and then I was gone.

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My best friend stayed behind and that's how we became estranged over time. At some point he stopped calling on his own initiative, although we had been friends for almost six years at the time, and even saw each other more like brothers. It was always me who drove back home to keep in touch, but I was not visited, although his journey regularly led him to Cologne or Berlin and he could easily have made a stopover at my place. He made friends with much younger gay guys and at some point I almost didn't recognize him anymore. He probably suffered a lot from the fact that society had labeled him feminine and tried to polish up his image by pretending to be more masculine. It felt like theater to me. Then I learned from mutual friends that he invented and spread stories that supported this image, and I was instrumentalized in the role of the Virgin in Need. Sincerity in human relationships is most important to me, and all of a sudden I couldn't trust him after so many years.

The top reached everything when his birthday was approaching and I was invited to a WhatsApp group shortly beforehand, which announced the time and place. It never occurred to him to let me know earlier and personally, because I now lived in another city and worked full-time, even on the weekends. For me it was a sign that it was probably no longer important enough to him that I, someone he had been introducing for years as his brother, was there, and I said goodbye to him without a word. No birthday wishes, no explanation. It's the only thing I regret not having explained to him why I ended the friendship for my part, but at the time, I didn't feel like he deserved it. I rarely dream of him, but that's really the only contact I still have with him. "

"After graduating from high school, we moved to different cities, built new lives and somehow there was no more room for me in her."

“We had a really intense friendship. When we were about to start studying, she was worried about her admission and I was accepted in a more distant city without any problems, she turned away more and more. And all of a sudden I followed a way of life that I could neither understand nor live with. She obviously resented me for not staying 'with her'. But all of that was left unsaid. I moved away, she visited me again and I felt that nothing was like it used to be. I sent her a present for Christmas and it came back three weeks later. She was no longer available and I was worried. Then after three months she let me know in silence that she no longer attached any importance to my friendship. That's it. No reason, no personal farewell, nothing. Today, friendship is no longer a matter of course for me, and it is also not a matter of course for me that it will still exist tomorrow. "

“At some point my best friend at the time no longer showed any interest in my life and didn't even greet me at the bus stop. Then I said I don't need that shit. I'm fine with it, we don't talk to each other, avoid each other, but don't bother me at all. It just annoys me that when we go to the same events, she keeps giving me looks that are supposed to kill me. So just because it's just totally silly and embarrassing. "

“We have always had very different attitudes towards life. At some point, however, we came to a point where my girlfriend no longer had any tolerance that I would prefer things to be calmer and more orderly. As is so often the case, the occasion was a minor one: We wanted to go to the Baltic Sea - she wanted to camp in the wilderness / sleep in the car for a week, I wanted to have somewhere to stay. She didn't understand that I prefer a shower and a decent toilet to adventure and independence. We fell out and went our own way. That was twelve years ago. At the graduation ceremony, we wished each other good luck for the future. If we saw each other today, we would probably say hello, exchange three words and good. So life is."

We also received some answers on Instagram: