Do you feel guilty about it?
"How could this happen to me?"
"Why did I do that?"
"Why didn't I prevent that?"
"How could I have forgotten that?"
Do these or similar thoughts seem familiar to you?
If so, then you are quite likely to suffer Feelings of guilt.
This is how you can recognize it more precisely:
- You struggle with the fact that you did or didn't do something specific.
- You expected something from yourself, but did not live up to that expectation.
- You now judge yourself for having made a “mistake” and see this as a great weakness and failure.
In a nutshell:
You feel guilty about a certain situation and your thoughts are constantly revolving around it.
Most of all, you want to reverse the situation, or at least make amends.
"Oh, if only I had ...", you think to yourself and feel pretty lousy about it.
That you've been with it for quite a while Self-reproach pounding around is not accidental!
On the contrary, there is causes for feelings of guilt and I'll help you get to the bottom of them.
If you at last want to find out where your feelings of guilt come from, how you recognize them and how you can get rid of them, So that you can go through life with a clear conscience and positive thoughts again, stay tuned NOW!
In this article I will explain to you how guilty feelings arose what “guilt” and “feelings of guilt” are and which concomitant symptoms bring self-reproach.
Let's start by targeting the causes of guilt.
Table of Contents: This is what awaits you in this article
Where do guilty feelings come from?
How did feelings of guilt develop that they have such incredible power in your life today?
The main cause of your guilt is your claim to be perfect To please everyone and if you don't, to judge yourself for your wrongdoing.
In order to let go of your self-reproaches, however, you have to give up this claim.
But how does it work? To find the answer to this question, we need to dig deeper.
What makes you feel guilty
Let's look at a few for this typical beliefs of which you have surely saved some subconsciously in your past, so that they have an effect in your life today.
Just as we have consciously or unconsciously taken over a lot from our parents, so we also learned from them to develop guilty feelings.
Even in our earliest childhood we were conditioned and shaped, mainly by our parents and school, of course, but also partly by church authorities.
You may have been given the following messages:
- "It's your fault that I feel so bad now."
- "I couldn't sleep tonight because of you."
- "This is now the thanks for doing so much for you."
- "You're going to put me in my grave, child."
- "Good children don't behave the way you do."
- "You will be sorry for behaving like that."
You have probably been persuaded that if you do not act on your parents' terms, you are disobedient and therefore deserve to be accused and convicted.
How your childhood affects your life
Even if your parents probably only meant well by teaching you moral and appropriate behavior, such suggestions were crucial for your further development.
You could have saved this message:
These or similar sentences may have become deeply anchored in your subconscious, without you being aware of them.
Children often self-reproach themselves if their parents only convey these messages non-verbally by speaking little to them, ignoring them or making a strained face.
Just through facial expressions, body language and tone of voice, children notice that something is wrong and that they may be the reason for it.
So whenever you got ignored or noticed a negative reaction, you believed you did something wrong.
Since children usually love their parents and want to be loved by them as well and do not want to hurt them, they feel bad and responsible if they do not please their parents and so it begins - the spiral of guilt feelings.
So we humans learn, out of fear of the negative consequences, to only do what others expect of us or at least to punish ourselves with self-reproach if we do not act according to the ideas of loved ones.
And through it creeps difference
awareness One by one and we usually carry it around with us into adulthood.
Not that you get me wrong:
The point here is not that you are indifferent to how you behave towards others and what your behavior triggers in others.
The point is that you act according to your own moral values and treat people the way you would like them to treat you.
Feeling guilty is not good for anyone, and there is no point in reproaching yourself again and again if you do not act as you might be expected to do.
It is completely sufficient if you behave in a way that appears good and right to you!
Now that we know where feelings of guilt come from and that they crept in from an early age, let's take a look at the terms "Fault" and "Feelings of guilt" closer to.
Guilt and feelings of guilt
In the following lines you will learn what types of guilt there are and where they come from.
As you probably know, the size and intensity of guilt can vary widely.
But the root cause is always the same:
I have done something or have not done something and have not done justice to my own values and (moral) demands on myself.
However, some people develop guilt faster than others. They fall into self-reproach more quickly and therefore have a guilty conscience more often if they think they are doing something wrong.
If you feel like one of the others, then you believe that guilt inevitably arises if you have behaved incorrectly, i.e. doing something that, in hindsight, you think is wrong, inappropriate, and immoral.
So feelings of guilt are created by you through the way you evaluate your own behavior and yourself.
These can be any number of different situations that make you feel guilty.
- You feel guilty about visiting your parents too rarely.
- You feel guilty when you lied to someone.
- You feel guilty if you have neglected the health of a loved one.
- You feel guilty if you miss a long-planned meeting.
But there is something else that you should definitely know:
The difference between guilt and feelings of guilt
A person can be guilty but not feel guilty or, again, be innocent and still feel guilty.
- A child whose parents split up may believe that it is to blame, even though they have absolutely nothing to do with the matter and are not to blame.
- A burglar, on the other hand, may be guilty. However, if he does not show remorse, he does not suffer from feelings of guilt.
So it is always a question of perspective and assessment of the extent to which we are "Fault" and "Feelings of guilt" affect.
But feelings of guilt also have a positive effect that you may not even see at first glance.
First of all, you feel bad and the constant self-blame pulls you down a lot, often to an exaggerated and unjustified degree.
But feelings of guilt also enable us humans to develop social behavior.
So to a certain extent they are useful and good, because they help us to comply with rules, norms and laws better and make it possible to make up for "mistakes" and, if necessary, to apologize to other people for our wrong behavior.
In the next step I will show you why it is so important to leave your feelings of guilt behind you once and for all, because feelings of guilt have drastic consequences.
They are not worth your mind and body to suffer.
The consequences of guilt
If we constantly reproach ourselves and believe that we have done something wrong and judge ourselves for it, then has that in the long term Effects on our body and mind:
These could be the physical symptoms of guilt:
- stomach pain
- Heart pounding
- Muscle tension
- Headache migraine
- Shortness of breath
But constant self-reproach does not leave your psyche without a trace.
These could be the psychological symptoms of guilt:
- Constant brooding
- Permanent remorse
- You are mad at yourself
- You become more manipulable
- You often quarrel with yourself
- The feeling of being a failure
- More receptive to criticism
- You criticize others harder
- Self-accusations multiply
- The feeling of worthlessness
- Psychosomatic complaints
As you can see, persistent guilt has a lot of disadvantages.
Feelings of guilt are not worth it
What do you think is happening when you feel persistently bad, both mentally and physically?
You automatically transfer your negative energies to those around you, including your partner, children or close relatives, by venting your feelings on them.
By letting yourself be completely absorbed by these emotions, you drive loved ones away and I ask you, is it really worth it?
In addition, through the feelings of guilt you are constantly living in the past by replaying what happened in your mind over and over again.
So you're either in the past or in the future, which is a shame because:
So you don't allow yourself to live in the here and now, the only moment that really matters.
Do you really want to miss the beautiful moments because you keep quarreling with yourself and regretting your past behavior?
I'm sure you don't want that, am I right?
Feelings of guilt can come up every day, it can be small or big.
That can be the promised but not made phone call to an old friend or the cancellation of a celebration.
All of this triggers a feeling of remorse in us and the desire to straighten out one's mistake.
Even if it feels like the right decision for us, guilt can emerge.
If it is the right decision, even if it may be painful to others, your guilt is definitely unjustified.
That doesn't mean that you don't care how others are doing, just that you stand by yourself and your decisions and listen to what is good and right for you - and that is important.
Letting go of guilt
Be honest with yourself.
What bring you persistent feelings of guilt?
Does this mean that the situation can be reversed or redressed?
This will not change anything, except that you will feel worse and worse physically and mentally.
Okay, you may have made a "mistake". It might have been better if you had acted differently than you did.
You have realized that something did not go the way you expected or wished for.
You may have hurt someone close with your act.
But there is no point in continuing to torment yourself with it.
What happened, happened, and you never know what will make a decision you make today.
It can turn out to be right or wrong.
You can't turn back time!
At this point, you've made up your mind to react that way (or not react at all).
For this moment you felt it was right.
However, this may also open up opportunities that you are not yet taking advantage of.
In addition, this is the only way you can learn from your mistakes, become stronger and grow beyond yourself.
And that is what life is all about - gathering experiences, positive but also “negative”, in order to learn from them.
Wasting your precious time so not by constantly blaming yourself and your life in leading the past.
Nobody is perfect and we humans will keep making mistakes, that's not bad, it's completely normal. That is exactly what makes us human.
Do yourself a favor and let go of the feelings of guilt more and more and allow yourself a life of joy and happiness - life is NOW!
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