Why is my friend tickling my back

Hello. My name is Chloe and I am 17 years old. I have had a friend who is 18 for 3 weeks and everything is actually going great.
When cuddling, he always strokes and caresses my stomach, but I'm very ticklish on my stomach. Even the smallest touch is enough when someone touches me and I flinch and have to laugh. I always get a fit of laughter when he strokes or pats my stomach because it really tickles me. He doesn't mind and he thinks that's cute about me. I also thought it was funny for a while, but when cuddling he just grabs my stomach with both hands and caresses me there. But slowly the tickling just annoys me and I would like him to stroke me in other places, for example on the back. I haven't told him yet because I think he might think then I don't like his touch. But they do, but cuddling is annoying when he only has his hand on my stomach and then I have to laugh. Should I just tell him lovingly that I would like it if he touches me in other places? Of course, he can still touch my stomach, but not only because I also have other parts of the body where I'm not so ticklish. And I don't want to have a laughing fit all the time when he caresses my stomach. And I want to enjoy cuddling without being tickled (even if it is not his intention to tickle me).

Last edited on: 02/14/2020 7:12 PM, by Chloe734

Lenya peer advisor 02/08/2020 13:30

Hey chloe,

I'm Lenya, a peer advisor here at Beratung4Kids and I will try to help you.

I advise you to just tell him exactly as you wrote it here. As a very ticklish person, I have had such conversations before and have always met with understanding. I also can't imagine that your boyfriend would have a problem touching you in other places. You don't actually reject his touch, but - on the contrary - you like it so much that you would like to feel it in several places on your body. You can also formulate that as a compliment.

If you are still unclear, please ask!

Peer counselor
Chloe734 02/12/2020 7:29 PM

Hey Lenya,
your advice was good. I told him and I met his understanding. He's now also touching me in other places and has now explored my whole body. I'm just as ticklish on my legs and sides, but we've both come to terms with that. After all, he still has his back where he can let off steam (even if it tickles there sometimes). But of course we won't leave out the stomach. But now I have a question: I was lying in his arms the other day and he had his hand on my stomach again and that alone tickled me. I'm really ticklish all over my stomach area when someone touches me there, the tickling reflexes are really strong there. Is there any tip on how I can get less ticklish on the stomach (including the navel)? I know it all too well. For example, when I hug my good friend or she hits me and she accidentally touches my stomach, I always flinch. Of course she knows that I'm so super sensitive there and we don't care about it. Nevertheless, it is sometimes very annoying when someone accidentally touches my stomach. So maybe there is a tip or a way to make it less tickling? Or is there nothing you can do? Because I would like my boyfriend to be able to touch my stomach without it tickling.

Last edited on: 02/13/2020 12:34, by: Chloe734

Lenya peer advisor 02/15/2020 2:43 PM

Hey chloe,
I am glad that your problem has been solved so well.
Tickling has likely developed in humans as a protective reflex. For example, if an insect crawls on the sole of your foot, you will automatically pull your foot back.
Nowadays, some researchers assume a social function of tickling: laughing together strengthens the bond. There is also evidence that liking the person who touches you makes you ticklish.
Still, I understand very well how annoying it can be to be ticklish at times.
One tip is to put your hand on your friend's hand when they touch your stomach. We cannot tickle ourselves because our brain is already expecting the touch by moving our hand towards our stomach. So that's how you prepare it for touch.
Relaxation exercises could also be helpful. If you are already expecting a tickle stimulus, this can lead to your brain sensitizing to all possible tickling stimuli, i.e. perceiving them more strongly and thus a tickling sensation being perceived more easily.

Peer counselor
Chloe734 02/15/2020 4:10 PM

Thank you for your answer dear Lenya. But wouldn't it automatically tickle if I put my hand on his because he still touches my stomach? Anyway, I'll just try it out with him. If it doesn't get better, I just accept it because there are worse things. We both have come to terms with the tickling feeling pretty well too. That also strengthened our relationship.
Chloe734 02/28/2020 7:53 PM

Hello Lenya,
So that he puts his hand on mine while cuddling so that it tickles less, we both don't want to do it because we don't like this kind of cuddling that much. And I also want him to touch me with his own hands.
So when cuddling with him, when we cuddle he always gently strokes my stomach with his fingers (sometimes also back or leg, but mostly stomach because he always strokes my stomach) or gently pats my stomach with his fingers and I get it always a fit of laughter because it tickles so much. But we've already come to terms with it (he thinks it's very cute that I'm ticklish) and sometimes we laugh about it in twos when we cuddle. That makes cuddling exhausting because my stomach is always tense with tickling and I always get a fit of laughter, but now we always cuddle so that he caresses my stomach.
So I wanted to let you know that we have come to terms with being tickled and that we can now laugh about it together, even if cuddling actually makes tickling because of the tickling and it's always a new challenge for my stomach to endure the touch. Just wanted to let you know how the situation has now resolved.
If you want, you can write back.

Last edited on: 02/28/2020 20:03, by: Chloe734

I don't understand why he's so obsessive about his stomach. In girls there are some parts of the body that are much more interesting for boys.
Chloe734 06/07/2020 21:54

Hello moenlim,
My boyfriend really likes to touch my stomach. Every boy and girl has different preferences.