Psychopaths get angry easily
In love with a psychopath
"It wasn't until much too late that I realized how cold it is"
It hit me like lightning. I was on the go-kart track and clashed with a guy at the finish line. We looked at each other and I felt he not only looked into my eyes, but directly into my soul. We laughed at each other because we could hardly separate the karts from each other. It couldn't have been more kitschy in a Hollywood flick. In short, we exchanged phone numbers, met - it was great. He listened to me, told shocking stories about his sad childhood. His mother was hardly there for him; his father had beaten up if he came by at all. The stepfather is a chauvinist. He never wanted to be like that, said Holger. The man is an absolutely chilling example. I oscillated somewhere between deep compassion and excitement for his trust. With that he had taken me by storm. He moved in with me within a very short time. He ironed, cleaned windows, brought me presents. After two months he proposed to me. I am the woman of his life.
"He was at my feet, wanted to marry me on the spot and absolutely have children with me"
In the months that followed I ignored a lot, I know that today. Had I been in my right mind, I should have been taken aback that I wasn't even allowed to look at other men. Then he feared for our great love, as he explained to me imploringly. He himself was flirting for the devil with the service in the restaurant. When I spoke to him, he said that was totally nonsense, that I would see it completely wrong. I should also have been puzzled that he looked me like a Christmas goose. I was allowed to pay for everythingalthough we both earned the same amount, he as an insurance salesman, I as a media consultant. He just didn't have any money with him at the restaurant and was never embarrassed. And I should have noticed that he was driving my friends off, one by one. Sometimes they didn't like Holger and stayed away. Sometimes he gossiped about her so much that I actually became insecure. What right? Weren't they good for me? After a year we got married. He swore eternal love to me. It was totally romantic. But on the wedding night he made a tremendous scene for me. I had talked to his best friend far too long to his liking. How embarrassing I would be to do that at my own wedding. What that true? What that stupid of me?
"At some point I saw very clearly: he is not embarrassed, he cannot understand emotions"
And it went on. When I was doing advanced training in psychology and came home in the evening, he said in greeting: 'Leave me alone with your psychological shit.' And stared at the television, his only hobby. In the presence of the few acquaintances we still had, he said: 'Oh, are you going to be super smart again? ‘In addition, he kept turning the words around in my mouth. I began to doubt myself more and more, while he just seemed to enjoy seeing my insecurity. I saw no compassion in his eyes, nothing. Instead of rebellion, I stayed and spoke less and less. I, who otherwise would not have fallen on her mouth. I hardly recognized myself anymore. But I just couldn't let go of him. I was the love of his life and I had promised him to stay. That was my train of thought at the time. In fact, it took a violent trigger for me to finally be able to leave. I found out that Holger was cheating on me. I confronted him angrily. He just said: 'You're crazy again. ‘That moved something in me. It was then that I realized that he didn't feel the slightest bit guilty. He's not embarrassed. And he couldn't understand my emotional state at all. He never loved me because he is incapable of that. I left, he watched indifferently. He was married again just a year later. He just knows how to do it ... "
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